I was probably the last person on the planet to see this
trainwreck music video. So, I figured as one of my last contributions to The Pendulum, I’d live blog this music video disaster. Watch along with me.
First off, what the hell are they traveling in? It looks like one of those white vans your parents told you not to approach even if they offered you candy. This is really not okay. I mean, this is Harvard. HAR-VAAAARD. This isn’t some juco in the middle of nowhere. They have a $32 billion endowment, no athletic scholarships to worry about and this is all they can afford? Child please.
Secondly, wise choice by the dude sleeping in the back. I wouldn’t want to be awake for this either. You realize they’re covering a Canadian pop singer who gained her popularity from a Justin Bieber tweet, right?
Nice choreography, guys. I love the double arm raise transition to x symbol thing they have going on. Yes, that’s sarcasm. Maybe they spent the majority of their energy on this while they were losing nine in a row to the likes of Bethune-Cookman, Central Florida and Army.
Can I park my car in Har-vaaaaaaaaaaaaaard yard, y’all?
But seriously, this is shaping out fairly well so far. Harvard’s a school for the intellectually genius after all, even though some not so deserving applications slip through the cracks. All those opposed to chafing, please say I!
I’m at the 0:58 mark. These are smart people. They’re probably going to cure cancer someday. But they aren’t actors and can be easily distracted. Watch out the window as a motorcycle/moped/two-wheeled vehicle passes the van. Kid can’t help but look out the window. Tisk tisk.
1:04 – Uh oh, he’s totally “calling me maybe” right now. That was a quick call. Now he’s just singing to nobody in particular. Good camera work though, because at this point in the video I still have no clue how many rows of seats there are or how many Harvard Crimson can fit on a bus (Seriously, I want to know. That’s totally a joke in my first stand-up special).
1:29- Oh snap. Harvard baseball players EVERYWHERE. Notice dude in front row (at this point) middle has a cast on. He’s totally playing through pain.
2:26- Another row? Seriously? And this Jon Smart guy is a little too into things. I guess it’s true what they say about Harvard econ major/catcher combos. Nevermind, this is a bad joke.
2:38- WAIT JUST A SECOND NOW. The guy to the right looks like me when I actually remember to shave. So not fair.
3:05- Jepsen’s song mercifully ends and transitions awkwardly into a gangster rap song, yo. But there’s no dancing to it! I feel used, Harvard. Used.
Still, the absolute horror that is “Call Me Maybe” in general gives this video a C-, no doubt a grade lower than anybody on this team has ever seen.